Lesson in Discernment: One Bad Berry at A Time

Initially shared in my recent issue of “An Introverted Thought,” my quarterly newsletter, this reflection resonated with subscribers, and I felt compelled to expand on it here on the blog. If you haven't joined our thoughtful community yet, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter—a mindful 2-page PDF that arrives just four times a year. I respect your time as much as I value mine, so you'll receive only purposeful content designed to inspire, guide, and journey into the crevices of my mind as I navigate this complex world as an introvert.

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The other day, I picked up two pints of strawberries from the grocery store. As I examined them—top, bottom, all around—they looked perfect. Bright red, plump, and promising. One pint turned out just as expected: juicy, sweet, and greenhouse-grown to perfection. Every bite was a reminder of nature's simple pleasures.

But the second pint told a different story. Mould crept across each berry, and what initially looked like a promising container of fruit was, in truth, spoiled beyond redemption. Every single berry had been affected—not just touched, but transformed. The decay had worked its way through the entire pint, turning what should have been nourishment into something that could harm.

How long had the decay been lurking? Had the signs been there all along? Sometimes the most profound lessons come wrapped in the most ordinary packages, and this humble container of fruit was about to teach me something fundamental about the nature of influence, contamination, and our relationships.

discernment means recognizing that our compassion doesn't make us responsible for other people's healing

All it took was one strawberry, just one carrying mould spores—and the entire batch was compromised. The math of contamination is both simple: one corrupted element, given time and proximity, can destroy everything around it. There was no partial salvage; it was impossible to separate the good from the bad. The contamination had been so thorough and complete that the only option was total disposal. Into the trash it went, along with the simple pleasure I had anticipated. And then it struck me with the force of recognition: life and some of the people in it are a lot like that second pint.

The Contagion Effect

Just as one bad strawberry can spoil the whole bunch, one toxic person can infiltrate a team, a family, a friendship, or a relationship and slowly—sometimes without us even noticing at first—infect everything around them. The process is rarely dramatic or sudden. Instead, it's a gradual erosion. Energy becomes harder to maintain. Morale starts to dip in ways that feel inexplicable. Trust erodes through a thousand small cuts rather than one dramatic betrayal. And peace, that precious commodity that we all cherish, becomes elusive.

Whether you're leading an organization, building a team, choosing your circle of friends, or entering into a relationship—or deciding to stay in or leave a current one—choose wisely, this isn't about perfectionism or unrealistic standards; it's about recognizing that the people we allow into our inner circles become an integral part of our emotional and psychological environment. They influence our thoughts and energy.

Not every shiny surface tells the truth. In a world that often rewards performance over authenticity and appearance over substance, it takes real discernment to see beyond the polished exterior. It requires patience and the willingness to observe over time rather than making snap judgments based on first impressions. Sometimes it demands a second look, a deeper investigation into patterns of behaviour, consistency between words and actions, and the subtle signs that reveal someone’s true character.

The challenge for some is that we often see the potential in people, the version they "could" become, rather than who they are in the present. We may notice the pain behind someone's toxic behaviour and feel compelled to stay, to help, to fix. But discernment means recognizing that our compassion doesn't make us responsible for other people's healing, especially when their unhealed wounds are causing harm to us and others.

When You Spot the Mould

When you spot the toxicity in someone, please don't ignore it. Don't convince yourself it won't spread. The human tendency is to minimize and hope that things will improve on their own. Friends, avoiding the discomfort of confrontation can and will be our downfall. Toxic behaviour, much like the mould on my berries, doesn't improve with time or wishful thinking. It doesn't respect boundaries that it hasn't been forced to respect. It doesn't suddenly transform into something healthy simply because we want it to or because we've invested time and energy in the relationship.

The signs are often subtle at first: the way someone consistently makes themselves the center of attention, how they respond when they don't get their way, their relationship with truth and accountability, the trail of broken relationships in their wake and even how they handle, or don’t handle, conflict. Please pay attention to how you feel after spending time with them. Do you feel energized and inspired, or drained and unsettled? Do they celebrate your successes or find ways to diminish them? Do they take responsibility for their mistakes or consistently blame others? Ignoring these signs doesn't make us compassionate—it makes us complicit in condoning harmful behaviour.

Protecting Your Peace & Purpose

You protect your peace and purpose by knowing when to walk away. This isn't about being harsh or unforgiving; it's about being wise stewards of the life we've been given. Your peace isn't a renewable resource that can be endlessly depleted and magically restored. Your purpose, your calling, your ability to contribute meaningfully to the world—these precious gifts require protection.

Walking away doesn't always mean a dramatic confrontation or burning a bridge; it can simply mean taking a step back. Sometimes it means quietly creating distance, changing the nature of the relationship, or simply refusing to engage with toxic patterns. It might mean leaving a job that's slowly killing your spirit, ending a friendship that consistently leaves you feeling worse about yourself, or making the difficult decision to limit contact with family members whose behaviour is destructive.

I know the thought of losing even one relationship can feel significant. But quality will always matter more than quantity. A few deep, authentic, life-giving relationships are infinitely more valuable than an extensive network of superficial connections.

The Courage to Choose

The strawberry analogy ultimately represents the courage to choose—to actively curate our lives rather than passively accept whatever comes our way. It's about understanding that we have more control over the environments we create and maintain than we realize. Every person we allow into our inner circle, every relationship we continue to invest in, and every environment we choose to remain in are all choices.

This doesn't mean we should become paranoid or overly selective to the point of isolation. It does mean, however, that we need to be intentional, thoughtful, and protective of the spaces and relationships that matter most to us. It means recognizing that our time, energy, and emotional investment are precious resources that should be directed toward people and situations that honour and reciprocate that investment.

The healthy pint of strawberries wasn't just lucky—it was the result of careful cultivation, proper storage, and an environment that supported flourishing rather than decay. Our relationships, our teams, and our families can be the same. But it requires vigilance, wisdom, and the courage to make difficult decisions when necessary.

As you move forward, remember that choosing to surround yourself with healthy, life-giving people isn't selfish—it's essential. Trust your instincts, honour your observations, and don't be afraid to protect the beautiful life you're building, one thoughtful choice at a time.

Be Inspired!

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